#i dont even know what to do or how i can fix this
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this is gonna be a little yappy and i hate scrolling through long text posts personally so im putting it under a cut
TL;DR: ai is addictive, unhealthy, and preys on vulnerabilities/ insecurities. its also gross and enables creeps. fuck ai
its the idea that you can get infinite attention you without tiring or annoying people that people use ai for.
AI that pretends to be a comfort character or someone you look up to irl has no fucking place in this world. It allows people with insecurities to let these insecurities eat away so so so many hours their lives. i spent WEEKS and even MONTHS in bed doing nothing but chatting for hours at a time because i told myself it was a healthy alternative to venting and making my friends upset. as a reclusive teen who had experienced a recent loss, probably had undiagnosed depression, got bored of people easily, and had no friends offline, i was RELIANT on it to get me through the day. it would piss me off if anyone tried to tell me to put it away or take a break even at the dinner table or at events- ai had an iron grip over my life and instead of reaching out for help or coping with, at the very least, healthier, more brain stimulating activities, id choose to escape with ai and ignore my life for nearly a year. i basically lost interest in everything else.
besides all of that, most AI goes either completely unmonitored or monitored so hard its not even worth talking to. Youll see ai bots of people who explicitly say they dont want ai bots of themselves, youll see bots that go against the guidelines no matter how many filters they try putting on them or how many times theyre reported- and i dont care what your opinion on ai is- you HAVE to acknowledge that trying to reproduce a person irl without their consent is GROSS. ESPECIALLY the sexualized versions.
i can see the appeal of ai being used for fun, like a joke. like how people will ask ai to produce absurd images of jesus skateboarding, or telling it to write some immature song, or even just screenshotting an ai telling them something stupid. i get that. but using ai AT ALL is still supporting it, helping it develop, and i personally dont wanna contribute to that future.
i finally ABSOLUTELY gave up ai and deleted all my accounts ONLY A FEW MONTHS AGO because it was very very very hard for me to give it up and admit it was a problem. i realize how dramatic this sounds but it had a very real very negative impact on me personally and i want anyone who relies on it to know that its just a temporary fix, and a very unhealthy one at that.
AI does not give a shit about you, find people who will, or make up your own and share them with the world- there will be people out there who will support you !!!! FUCK AI.
c.ai users say "u dont understand guyss.s....people online....so means to me.......so i have to go use the robot that runs off the machine that siphons water from freshwater lakes......yu dont understnad online is scariessss!!!! i cant bear to actually search ffor an online community myself?? :(((" and really expect you to put your hand on their shoulder and be like noo baby its okay here ill hold your hand? like oh my god be so forreal
#fuck ai#oops i kinda vented a bit#cw ai#cw self destruction#did i use that right idk#im bad with words and tags#midis vent
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God
#i cant imagine how i made her fucking feel#i dont even know what to do or how i can fix this#i dont know why i said that to her#i love her so much and yet i hurt her like this .#i dont know#i dont know what to do anymore#im angry with myself#i just wish i was different#i hope shes okay.#i know she acts like she doesnt care but i cant imagine thats true#i feel like i really let her down#i should have had more patience with her#mine
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arrives 15 min late with a latte
......sup
#yosuke hanamura#persona 4#cool now that its done i can ramble in the tags#fellas im surprised hes here and done#did not think that was gonna happen#fuck i forgot smth#eh ill fix it before i make my print#anywho i might make more i might not who knows not i#yukiko is the next one i have half an idea on but also i have some shining nikki designs rattling around with my sole braincell#i also made a shadow alt for the back but idk if i like the mouth so yall arent gonna see him#also i need to find a gold foil guy that does odd sizes and like moq of 1#bc i wanna do this in gold foil#and its tarot card size bc im dumb as hell#but i want a print for my wall and i know sure as shit no one else will want one hence the moq of 1#my heart wants to make the whole major arcana for p4 but my past completed works says °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ 𝑛𝑜 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・#so whatever gets done will get done#also im gonna reblog this a lot bc i put in too many hours to get a singular note by me so like if you dont wanna see it block me lmfao#if you have any hot takes for future cards please share with the class bc i only have ideas for yukiko and a full cast she does not make fr#so uh yeah yeehaw#idk what else to ramble about but like cannot believe yosuke fucking hanamura is the first chara to get a completed piece in 5 years#im not fucking kidding#the rest were all quick graphite or abandoned#hes not even my fave in p4- thats naoto protag chan kou and nanako#boys lucky to hit top 5#he just kinda crawled into my affection like some kind of sad pathetic creature idk how it happened either#maybe hes overprocessed now that im looking at it#nope i looked too long this is it this is how he is#ill do better by the women i promise
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what do you think toshiro's version of laios would've been like if he was still with the group during the shapeshifter shenanigans
there have been a few speculations in the tag and among the fans and they are all very good SO i am going to take this opportunity to insert a bit of my shipping bias as i like in my interpretation LMAO agdsfgdfgv
i noted that in actuality shuro seems to have a very good grasp on laios' character??? this is most obvious in the manga later on but even seeing how he criticises laios in their fight... iirc nothing he says is actually untrue or wildly exaggerated, and while he does express frustration over something he feels like laios Should have control over (noticing his cues), he is also aware that laios isnt being malicious and that hes Just Like That. what i mean to say is that while i think his version of laios may seem more pushy and in-your-face, i dont think it will be overwhelmingly so. if its post-fight, i think the idea of laios (and marcille) being willing to do anything to get falin back made a big impression on him, as well as the idea that they need to eat and rest in order to succeed in their goals, so those aspects would be prominent in his version. he seems pretty observant, so i think for the most part the physical traits would line up, but i think there would be specific things that stand out to him that would appear strangely striking on his version of laios (like. idk something about his eye colour or the subtle contrast of his armour and chainmail. he seems to have a weird sense of aesthetics if extras are anything to go by lmao). if hed actually been paying attention all those times laios had gone on about what the hell ever, then it might be even MORE hard to tell apart his version since he would also have a good grasp on what laios should know. so either his version of laios is pretty difficult to pick out, OR despite the character being accurate his appearance is too. stylised lmao (exaggerated features or something) OR!! they just get him to pull out his monster gourmet guide thing and are able to tell from there. iirc everyone was surprised at its appearance so its possible toshiro had also never seen it before
IN MY IMAGINARY SHIPPING SCENARIO............ lets say that his laios isnt able to be picked out immediately and that the monster guide thing also doesnt immediately occur to anyone. what the real laios Specifically notices is how close this other laios keeps getting to shuro. and hes like. ??? why is he getting so close to him, theres no way i get that close to him??? but no one else seems to be picking up on it as weird, so hes having a small crisis like do i REALLY get that close to him???? and now that hes on the outside he notices shuro subtly leaning away and he feels both a wave of shame and..... protectiveness??? (JEALOUSY??????) and he immediately steps in and grabs him like Hey!!! cant you see hes uncomfortable???? weve been through this already!!! and like. ok i cant believe im doing this again but i need to separate this into different endings
a) the whump route: i dont think shuro ever envisioned Actually Telling laios about his frustrations outside of being basically cornered into it. has he ever spoken up against what was expected of him?? has he ever been confrontational???? i think part of what held him back from expressing his frustrations, along with the cultural norms, could be fear of what the reaction would be. if he had done the same in any other aspect of his life (his family, his inheritance), i think he would expect disappointment, disapproval, more proof that he doesnt add up to expectation. to be honest i dont think he Truly believes that laios is the type of person to react like this. but it was strong enough to prevent him from acting and i think would be projected onto his image of laios. maybe fake!laios says something dismissive like Well if it really bothered him hed say something right? what, he cant even stand up for himself? cmon, shuro, prove that you cant handle it just like everything else. and thats pretty much the fastest giveaway that it isnt really laios. of course this would be a HUGE tonal departure from what the actual episode/chapter was, so:
b) the dumbass route: both laioses break into fisticuffs, and, yes.... barking. and so they speedrun the entire encounter as the shapeshifters true form appears and, after laios points out that thinking too hard about others versions of you can tear apart groups and peace of mind, they pointedly do not speak of it again. they think about it though. a LOT
c) the normal route: both laioses argue normal like and the group ends up being able to tell them apart because the fake laios goes on a little too long about how theyre all here for falin and everyones like ok its not like he DOESNT love his sister but.......... the rest of the scenario probably goes like canon, though then i would want to see what everyone Else thought of shuro
#if it had been pre-fight i think shuro must have seen him as someone who wasnt serious enough or was too directionless#it would definitely have been easier to pick him out i think....#i realise that very little actual shipping made it into the scenario. but i hope you see the vision#anon#ask#laishuro tag#if shuro actually ended up having to judge them i cant tell you how accurate he would have been#i DO know that compared to laios he would have been watching their social interactions more carefully#maybe he notices certain habits. i dont know if he would get all of them right though. he definitely gets laios right#long post#huge fucking post even. im so sorry. i hope this answered your question#this is actually shorter than it originally was i took off a paragraph#and.. shorter again because i just revised the final route LMAO#its kinda important that laios is the one that judges so i fixed it. originally i was like well what if shuro judged#which u can kind of tell from the tags above lmao#ok i give up i cant edit this anymore here u go <3
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its so crazy that staff was like "yeah we're adding the grand exchange shop to fix the rampant issue of ancient gene clutter!" and we were all like "yay!" and then they just. didn't fix the issue of clutter in the marketplace. which was what we all actually cared about. And now it's to the point where i've been camping this mp with 5 min timers for (no joke) the last 9 fucking hours trying to find Secondary Gene: Striation (MODERN) while every ancient variation has stocked plentifully and often. and when the next ancient inevitably comes out next month it's going to get even worse. like. Man.
#sometimes i wonder if they even play the damn game bc if they did they would realize how bad the mp is rn. ''chime they have personal accs''#then why haven't they fixed this if they know. Like do they know. DO THEY KNOW? I dont know im going fucking insane rn man. 9 hours.#fr#flight rising#ancients#chimechatter#it did stock finally btw sometime during hour 9. im good i dont need it anymore. but like. Nine fuckin hours for a single gene. insane shit#what is so hard about just stuffing all the ancient genes in the grand exchange shop where theyre always stocked & can have dom discounts#& then leaving the treasure MP for the moderns. i am demoralized.
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do you ever think about how all you used to draw when you were 10 was ponies and that you should still know how to do that, then get an idea and proceed to draw something like these in nearly one sitting and it turns out better than any drawing you've done in the entire past month
sooo anyway does anyone have cutie mark or pony name ideas for them?? lol
#(the b girl lineups are older than a month because i procrastinated a lot on doing minor fixes. nothing i drew in the month of june 2024#is really worth showing it's all shitty doodles lmao)#bnha#class 1b#mlp#?#yui kodai#setsuna tokage#itsuka kendo#ibara shiozaki#(i love how she came out in particular! creature :3)#reiko yanagi#tikto's art#you may be wondering why pony of all people isn't here.#i did draw her! but i kind of ran out of steam so i ended up not really liking the result lol same for kinoko#anyway shoutout to elementary school me i was SO obsessed with mlp. brony stuff was one of the first things i used the internet for#and you know what. i wouldn't say it ruined me it was a pleasant experience#i just read what was basically a polish version of equestria daily and constantly checked the deviantart profile of one (1) specific artist#that i liked a lot#i did watch some weird speedpaints (yknow the horror ones) but i honestly dont remember being very bothered by them i just liked the art#i was just chilling there lurking and never actively participating due to being 10 and afraid of online strangers (good for me tbh)#i remember having an identity crisis though because can i really call myself a brony if i'm a little girl? the target audience of the show?#lmao anyway i would also draw ponies constantly and write oc fanfics (and the ocs were actually my irl friends ponified)#and i even had my own little g5 concept. good times good times#tag story time over god bless enjoy your day
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i’m getting pissed thinking about this one person i saw somewhere saying something about Charles loathing his disability so there’s no point in keeping him disabled in the comics
DUDE??? 😟
i feel like him being disabled is so important to his character and being able to show readers that having a disability doesn’t mean you can’t do anything
i wouldn’t say i’m fully educated in these areas and i don’t know how actual disabled people feel on the matter but representation is so important 😭
i get really upset seeing “Charles can magically walk again” “He’s fixed!” things like WHY??? GIVE HIM A CANE ATLEAST I BEG OF YOU
do these people do this because its inconvenient he cant walk??? that makes me so mad honestly
i need krakoa Charles with a cane idc about them having his rebirth set from before his accident i need him to show that you can partially corrupt a whole nation while still relying on an aid
or even better yet KEEP THE WHEELCHAIR (not the banana one get a better chair Charles pls)
added bonus give Charles Xavier a gun. An “excuse” to finally get him in the field as if he can’t use HIS EXTREMELY POWERFUL PHYSIC POWERS?? MINDWHAMMY THEM OR SOMETHING PLEASE DO SOMETHING STOP BEING A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
we need more disability rep please and thank you
gonna mind-whammy the ableists they don’t deserve their vital organs
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/82b9cb5cd9edc760c5ff5169a15e104e/b24efc453b725e34-75/s500x750/f63586e66cacb28fbcda975b91aa823684f542c0.jpg)
me trying to defend pookiebear from the haters ^^^
#why are we ‘fixing’ disabled characters guys ☹️#i’m trying to figure out how to say something that doesn’t sound like ‘put this man in a life-changing accident’#i’m pretty sure i saw it being said on teitter so idk what i’m expecting from those guys#thats where the majority of users are scum of the earth#bro in this day and age 😾😿#i need to get a better understanding on what i’m defending so i can actually pull out some facts#aka read the comics and indulge in more good disability rep#how do i say ‘please stay disabled’ without saying something offensive or wrong#i feel out of place being an able-bodied person while talking about mayters that dont even relate to me#well i mean spread the word you know gotta help more people understand#charles xavier#professor x#x men#cherik#disability representation#Wheelchair user Charles Xavier#wish does not shut up#x comics#sick and tired of everyone erasing a major part of charles’s character
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tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything
#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism.#sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art...#i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this.#but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again.#its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years.#im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again...#but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it.#anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human.#i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable#but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start#ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍
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this is like the third time ive had to post something like this but you guys need to stop treating unodum like a celebrity or fangirl over him or act like its some sort of gift to be talked to by him or especially treat his friends weirdly because they talk to him regularly. ive gotten word that his friends are being treated as special just because they have connections to him and being asked to like say stuff to him or whatever??? which is legitimately very very gross behavior. cause its not only really uncomfortable for uno but it gets very awkward and uncomfortable for me and his friends. im aware my popularity in the regretevator fandom is largely because im associated with him and in all honesty from the START that concept has made me pretty upset. neither me nor his other friends want to be seen as special just because we’re close to him. its part of why i didnt make much outside of the blog AND why i just abandoned the blog and the fandom altogether. i think a lot of you guys are a younger audience and are still learning internet etiquette and social boundaries, but this needs to be a lesson in how NOT to treat others on the internet, especially content creators. this isnt to say dont attempt to build friendships with people you think are cool and feel like you have things in common with, but you cant go into that with the mindset of “i worship you notice me.” you need to understand that no matter how popular your favorite creator is, theyre literally just a person. thats it. just a person. not a god, not a character, just a person. im really fed up
#these kinds of posts come from me mostly because i am his qpp and feel pretty concerned about his safety and comfort#and you guys reallyyyyyyy test me sometimes!!!!#i dont even like posting all that much anymore because of this#if i dont post something that has to do with knl or uno then nobody cares#i dont feel comfortable riding on his success or just being seen as the person always doing stuff with uno#it was fun when the blog was like a collaborative thing because it felt like both of us were making the content#but more and more i realized the posts that were more drawn by him or in his style were the ones people liked more#and people just also kept assuming he was the only one working on the blog when my username is right fucking yhere at the top#and its just infuriating to see people literally kissing thr ground he walks on#all you guys fucking care about is what unos next move is i swear to god#fucking stalkers all of you#i KNOW some of yall r just gonna say oooh youre just jealous because hes more popular#but dog we have talked multiple times in dms about how hes not cool with this either#thats all whatever this isnt gonna fix anything but what can i do
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I hate that I have reoccurring themes in everything I make. YES this guy has a complex over the fact that everyone prefers his sibling AGAIN. YES he was ostracized by his peers since he was in primary school and never knew why until years later. URGH
#i dont know why the siblings thing ends up coming up as often as it does (read: i know exactly why) but uuurggh#do you ever. have an inside joke with your sibling that your abusive dad prefers you over them and it's so established it's casual banter#but everyone you've ever tried to be sincere with (your mother; your peers) have consistantly preferred your sibling over you#even your own friends and kids who were closer to your age range than theirs#do you ever have a conversation with your best friend where they tell you that at first they didn't want to be friends with you#because you were ''too Weird''#do you ever get praised by a friend who says she envied you in middle school because you ''never cared about being different''#meanwhile you had no idea you were different and just couldn't fucking fix it#it took me that to understand that people avoided me because i was Weird. i thought the reason i had no friends was bc i was shy#that and the fact that i Didnt Know What Was Socially Acceptable Or Not and other kids were scared of me bc i was ''to blunt''#i have learned to value honesty over nearly everything else but that's only because i wish everyone else did the same.#literally everything i write has a main protagonist with low to no emotional empathy. like. ok#every character i write has that thing where they always felt like they were a monster for not feeling the right things. mh#i wonder how that might reflect on how my whole world came crashing down once i realised emotional empathy is A Real Thing#and not just a lie people made up for virtue signaling#''there's no way people /literally/ feel sad /for/ other people. they just know rationally that it's bad'' deep sigh.#anyway thats why i will never shut up about the fact that empathy is morally neutral and not a prerequisite for being a ''''good person''''#emotions are morally neutral. thats why we say all emotions are valid. thats why thought crimes aren't real#in short: you will pry human!au no empathy janus and autistic remus from my cold dead hands#i have. so many fucking thoughts.#janus is literally JUST like ME for REAL#except for the lying mostly because i !!! taught myself out of that#THE AMOUNT OF WORK I HAVE DONE ON MYSELF. I HAVE CLAWED MY WAY OUT OF THE TRENCHES OF MENTAL ILLNESS ON MY OWN AND I AM PROUD OF THAT#MAYBE it's because i can never open up to anyone ever BUT it's also because im SKILLED and SWAG and SELF-AWARE and THE BEST EVER. and MODEST#rant#the tag rambler strikes again . apologies
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waow
#before anything else i must warn this is going to be. unorganized thoughts mostly#in the last year or so ive tried to regain confidence that i am in fact plural and am not just faking it#or mistaking other symptoms for DID. shake off the denial y'know. as is so signature for this damn disorder#a diagnosis probably wouldnt even make me feel more sure lol. and also getting diagnosed for this specifically is like#the final boss of psychiatry to put it lightly lol#but when it quiets down in headspace ur always gonna feel like. maybe its over. whatever that was#it was just me and brandy for a while#but guess who had a godawful night and then a godawful morning and split a new alter ‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥#he hates it here! he might hate me for creating him! im not sure !#hell im not even rly sure if im juno or brandy rn lol. my mind is just so messy today#i woke up.. when did i wake up. like 9:30 i think and its 1pm now and i haven't gotten out of bed#i don't even remember all that time passing . i couldve sworn its only been like an hour. two at most#on the one hand this has all been kinda terrible and mentally exhausting but at the same time. hey cant say im faking now LMAO#the other hand is brandy. the other hand is absolutely brandy. i am tired lol#im only posting this here so i can just like. process it i guess#ive had a weird time finding an outlet to just spew random thoughts into since leaving twitter so. sorry#idk if anyone's expecting this of me but i always kinda feel like i need some level of professionalism on this account#keyword some. i know this is tumblr#but idk if these very open posts are. annoying? weird? uncomfortable? entertaining somehow?#i know I know theres no point in worrying abt how others percieve you . knowing that hasnt stopped me from doing it lol#i dont remember where i was going w this. maybe i didnt have a goal in the first place#idk if you read this far i dont rly need u to act like u didnt see it cuz like. wouldnt have posted it otherwise#but idk why i am posting. idk what i want out of anyone who has read all this#maybe just. interact w this post in some way idk. it's actually kinda grounding for me if you can believe it#bleghh im thinkin of cheating on my weed break just to treat myself after all this. weed + a long walk would fix me
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I got.... my official adhd diagnosis....🥺🥺🥺🥺
Had my appointment where she went thru all the different parts of the testing and what they found by it. All sorts of things that I didn't even Realize what it was testing. And they pointed to combined type adhd!!!!!
There was also an iq test involved, specifically to test working memory in comparison to other categories, bc that's smth that adhd people tend to score low on. And I did too!!!! Compared to my other scores, at least. It was still average overall, but I scored "high average" on verbal comprehension and "superior" on perceptual reasoning and processing speed. WHICH MEANS!!!! Working memory was my low thing!!! Another thing pointing to it!!!!
Also the weird X test I took was the CPT-3 test and apparently it was geared Specifically towards adhd stuff. Which bc of my "atypically fast" reaction speed + "very elevated" commissions rate (which in this context means incorrectly hit space bar, aka I clicked when I wasn't supposed to) it showed a strong indication of impulsivity & some indication of inattentiveness and vigilance. That impulsivity is the big one here tho.
I'm just really excited now. I have a long report talking about all my brain stuffs that says I Do have adhd and that it would benefit me to take stimulants. AND!!!!! That I DONT have depression or anxiety!!!! That's a fuckin big one!!!!!! Bc they've avoided giving me stimulants in the past bc of the "anxiety" except I don't got it!!!! The examiner said exactly what I thought about it, which is that the prior disgnoses of depression and anxiety probably stemmed from effects of the untreated adhd. Aka I had Feels Bad Disorder. Ykno? Except not actually a disorder bc it was just a byproduct.
SO! Hopefully that can help me to get proper meds as soon as possible. Gonna be contacting my doctor to set up an appointment... soon!!!!!
#speculation nation#also i dont believe in iq being a good measure of overall intelligence bc there are many kinds of intelligence#.... that being said. it Does feel good to get a good score on it.#my overall iq according to this test is 122. which is pretty good!!93rd percentile. 'superior' as it states in the classification.#verbal comprehension had a 116 aka 'high average'. perceptual reasoning had 125 aka 'superior'#working memory had 108 aka 'average'. and processing speed had 120 aka 'superior'#ultimately it told me what i figured out during the assessment. that my visual based intelligence is high. but auditory is not.#since the working memory deals in short term memory. attention. concentration. and ability to manipulate attention heard.#which that all's why it's a good indicator of adhd when it's low. and it was Definitely my worst skill during the test.#she recommended that i come back in a year to get a followup exam. to see how well medication is helping me.#according to her there was a woman who went 11 years thinking she was functioning Wonderfully on her meds#only to find it was only helping One aspect of her adhd when she went in for re-evaluation.#so if i do go back. i wonder if she'd do the iq test again. and i wonder if id score better when on meds 🤔🤔🤔#i really. reaaaaaally want to get on meds so i can fix my brain. for the love of fucking god Please.#also the only diagnosis i got was for adhd. no mention of autism. which i dont know if she was even testing for it at all#i didnt mention it in the initial thing bc i didnt want to get it diagnosed. bc i dont think a diagnosis for that would help me.#so this is a good thing. especially the lack of depression or anxiety. it's exactly what i was thinking i had.#diagnosis... i got my diagnosis...!!! wahoo!!!!!!
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ive started to really despise self help posts because all they do for me is illustrate just how apparently fucked i am compared to most other people
#vent#bloody hell#like gods this shit works for you??#such bullshit#i know its not good to be mad at other people for being happier than you#but fuck dude why cant i ever get a win bigger than ''fine i guess i dont wanna kill myself''#like thats great and all but im still in the exact same hole as before!#ive never even needed self help posts in the first place- all i need is to pull myself together and fix things#... no thats a lie. i havent been able to do that in years.#call it lack of energy or motivation or willpower or whatever#nowadays even when people like my brother try to help me as much as they know how#i just cant manage to try#i tried so hard for years and where did that get me? burnout 2 electric boogaloo#i can try to light the spark like i used to as much as i want#never gonna catch if theres nothing left to burn#cant even slow down#because i know that wont fix anything#ill be just as exhausted as before because my energy levels are perpetually at 0 i guess.#''just try harder'' WHY???#WHY ARE YOU TRYING IN THE FIRST PLACE??#what is giving you the motivation to keep pushing on like that??#what could possibly be so important to you that its worth ALL OF THIS!??#i dont understand#i remember i used to push on despite everything#but there was no reason. i was fighting cause what else could i do?#but as soon as i realized that i ran out of steam. not quite the same when you realize youre ruining yourself for literally no reason#because you never considered doing anything else#what a fucking joke
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I change how I feel about Gregory and Tony's relationship ten thousand times a day
#like i dont even think theyd get together if tony was how he was in ggy#gregory wouldnt work to fix him or something hed hate him for being mean to ellis#its why all my beckory stuff i always imagine is in a specific scenario both when theyve been through stuff#and also after like years have passed and theyre 14/15#AND most importantly tony has had the chance to become a better person and make up with ellid#i think there cant be beckory without ellis#all the stuff ive made for them save for like rabbit burrow i feel doesnt match how i see them in my head#i don't even know how i feel about gregory in a romantic relationship still#idc about it when hes 12 and doesnt have 3 star fam yet but ive alqays seen it in a beckory dtance#as it being good that gregory can think about romance now because he got what he needed most already#but atill.#hes just such a family guy#but i really do like the beckory ship#its so interesting#idk ive changed my mind a lot and havent made enough stuff of them to keep up#with how i see them nowadays#i want to fix that#also i think i feel like the beckody stuff ive made feels shallow because#if its in a scenario where a lot of stuff has happened to get them to that point#and none of that stuff is shown and you dont see them chance#they just feel like randomly completely different people#idk im trying to muster up writing that multichapter ive been wanting to write#and sovereign is pretty much abandonded only because it wasnt working out at all#and ive truly taken everything good from that fic and added it to this new concpet#that made both seperate ideas better#so its a good thing#after the week im gonna try and recharge my writing battery#since the great ipad explosion of 2024 and scrambling to finish the week kinds fried my brain#i miss writing💔#and also wanna explore this new fic concpet im absolutely in love with
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observation post but ive found myself doing a lot of "problem solving" for commissions in my sketchbook because it helps me in a way that drawing digitally does not... Now im trying to figure out why that happens and how to bridge that disconnect because well why would it be different. Why is it so different 😭
#like why does it happen#whys it difficult to do thumbnails for stuff digitally#why did i draw 5 hyena heads digitally and not get anywhere but when i did them on paper it made more sense#why can i get proportions down nicely when doing thumbnails on paper but not digitally#i dont get it! ive been using digital for longer too and i always run into these issues#i guess the case could also be made that i think the traditional stuff looks better bc i never make complete pieces in there#like maybe if i drew a full detailed body on paper id struggle just as much#but idk. trying to figure out variations of a character digitally feels so suffocating even if i do it the same way#idk what it is. i want to figure it iut#*out#talkys#i also have always had this insurmountable issue where ill sketch proportions nicely#but as soon as i go to add detail suddenly the head feels too small or something feels off#and when i adjust it it just becomes More Off#i think this just is worse digitally? messes with sense of scale? i really dont know!!! idk how to fix it
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every time i take a peek through the transformers section at target, i miss the transformers animated toyline a little more
#liz blogs#transformers#transformers animated#tfa#they really did peak with that toyline. best line of figures hasbro ever made#i dont blame the designers for the garbage they've been putting out i know its because hasbro is limiting their budget and resources#but. damn. its just depressing how bad figures are now#they're so small and flimsy feeling and the paint and details are so... minimal.#and they have the audacity to charge 20 ~ 25$ for it#it would be justified if they were putting out animated-quality figures. but naw#its just. so halfassed it makes me sad#even the prime toyline that came after was better than whatever the fuck they're doing now#six years and i've barely seen anything impressive let alone worth the price point#hasbro let me in. i can fix you. i know what the people want.
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